Chapter 9 - The Heaviest Embrace

Holding Hope for the first time in half a year felt like holding a fragile, precious miracle I had nearly destroyed. She didn't cry. She stared up at my bearded, weathered face with innocent curiosity, her tiny hand reaching out to touch my cheek, her small fingers wrapping around my rough thumb.
Just like that day in the hospital.
A hot tear rolled down my nose, landing softly on her pink sweater.
"Daddy’s here, sweet girl," I choked out, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'm so sorry. Daddy was a fool. But I promise you, every single day of my life from now on will be spent becoming a man you can someday be proud of."
For forty-five minutes, I played with her, sang to her softly, and memorized every detail of her face—the little dimple in her left cheek, the way her nose crinkled when she smiled, the sweet, milky scent of her skin.
When the social worker tapped her watch and signaled that time was up, a wave of profound terror washed over me. I didn't want to let her go. I wanted to run out the door, escape to a new city, and start over.
No, a quiet voice inside my head whispered. Running is what got you here. Take accountability. Face the music.
I gently placed Hope back into her carrier, zipped her bag, and handed her over to Elena.
"I'll see you next month?" I asked quietly, looking at my former sister-in-law.
Elena looked at me for a long, searching moment. The fierce hatred in her eyes had faded slightly, replaced by a cold, weary indifference.
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"She needs a father, Richard," Elena said quietly, adjusting the carrier strap on her shoulder. "Claire isn't going to stop you from seeing her legally, because she wants Hope to know who you are—both your good parts and the cautionary tale of what happens when a man throws away his family for selfishness. But earn it. Don't call, don't text, don't show up uninvited. Just show up on these Saturdays, sober, stable, and ready to be a dad for two hours. That’s all you get."
She turned and walked out the door, leaving me standing alone in the sterile room.